Ontari The Gray
by KilljoyyCosmicBug
Summary: "There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. There is passion, Yet peace. Serenity, Yet emotion. Chaos, Yet order. I am the wielder of the flame, the protector of balance. I am the holder of the torch, lighting the way. I am the keeper of the flame, soldier of balance. I am a guardian of balance. I am a Gray Jedi" -KillJoyy
1. Intro

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, only my own character, Kiirah Ontari.

* * *

At age three, I was found by my mentor, Qui-Gon Jinn, on my homeworld of Naboo and brought to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. For years I practiced in the Jedi arts and my lightsaber techniques, and lived by the Jedi code. At eight years old, I took part in the Garthering, finding my crystal, and constructing my lightsaber. Not longer after that Master Qui-Gon attempted to take me as his padawan, but Master Yoda denied, taking me as his own student. Neither of us were ever given a direct reason, but Master Qui-Gon had his theories

 _"They worry we are too much alike little one. The Council and I don't always see eye to eye, I often go against their wishes. You are growing to do the same while still at a very young age. By placing you under Master Yoda's guidance, they hope you will become… less rebellious, follow the code more strictly. There's also the matter of your special abilities."_

 _"But Master, I've heard that many who train under Master Yoda, rarely go out on assignment, and when they do, it's not often with him, but with another Master."_

"At some point or another, we have all apprenticed to Master Yoda. You will learn much from from him. Just as you will learn much from the others you go on assignment with. Being personally chosen my Master Yoda to be his padawan, is a great honor little one, it's very rare that this happens, and you will learn much from him. Not to mention you are still very young, staying at the temple may not be as,

 _ **exciting**_ _, as going out on assignment, but it is where you are safest. When you are older you will go out on more assignments." I sighed and shook my head._

"What about you though Master? Who will be your padawan?" I asked.

 _"I have been assigned another. You may remember sparring with him a while back in your advanced training. Obi-Wan Kenobi."_

Over the course of the next seven years, I trained under Master Yoda, and though I rarely left the temple for the first few years, I learned far more than I had imagined I would, just as Master Qui-Gon had told me I would. I had learned to successfully master and control my abilities with Force Lightning, and Master Yoda was confident, that within the next few years, I would be ready to face the Trials.

At sixteen, Master Yoda was giving me much more free reign, sending me on many assignments on my own, and with my old mentor while he stayed at the Temple teaching younglings. Among these assignments, was a year long protection detail during the Madalorian Civil War. During that time, I became close with Obi-Wan, despite Qui-Gon's warnings.

 _"You were taught not to form attachments Kiirah. I know you and Master Yoda worked on that one for a long time. Do not put your teachings behind you just because you're no longer directly under your Master's guidance, even if you may not feel as though it applies to you." Qui-Gon warned._

 _"I"m not trying to Master Qui-Gon. It has never been my intention to go against my Master's teachings. It just… sort of happened."_

 _"You must distance yourself from him, little one. I know it is hard for you, it always has been. You have always been an emotional and compassionate one, you see it as your strength, but it can very easily be your greatest weakness. Do not let that weakness get out of control. Do not let it lead you to the dark side."_

"I would never, Master. But I do not understand. We're supposed to be compassionate, and understanding, but we're forbidden from forming attachments. How am I supposed to do that?"

 _"You will learn in time little one. As we all do." He assured me._

"But

 _ **how**_ _? I've tried listening to Master Yoda's teachings. But I can't seem to keep myself from forming these attachments, I never have been able to."_

"As I've watched you grow, I've come to wonder if

 _ **you**_ _really need to." I raised an eyebrow at him._

 _"What do you mean, Master?"_

 _"You're very special Kiirah, I've known that from the day I found you. I have watched you grow for many years now, and you display many traits that border on the dark side, but you never cross over, you never even seem tempted. That takes great strength. Strength that very few have." I shook my head, confused_

 _"Master Qui-Gon, I don't understand what you're trying to say."_

 _"You will understand in time. For now, try to keep yourself distant from Obi-Wan. Do not let your feelings for him cloud your judgement and lead you astray. Until you realize who you truly are, it's just as dangerous to you as it is to any other Jedi."_

 _After that conversation, I thought about what Qui-Gon had said, and went to find him later that day to tell him I would be removing myself from the assignment_

 _"Master Qui-Gon." I said as I reentered the room._

 _"Yes little one?" He asked, not looking up from his game of holochess with Obi-Wan._

 _"I would like to contact the temple and arrange for transport back to Coruscant. I am removing myself from this assignment" They both stopped and stared at me._

 _"It's seems you have already made up your mind, I'm assuming there's no way I can convince you to change your mind?" Qui-Gon said. I shook my head._

 _"No, Master. I'm sorry. I think it would be best, for the mission and for myself." He nodded, accepting my answer._

 _"I shall contact Master Yoda for you right away then. I will have a transport sent here for you in the morning." I bowed and thanked him, then left, heading back to my chambers._

 _"Kiirah, wait." Obi-Wan said, running to catch up with me. I stopped outside my chamber doors._

 _"Yes, Obi-Wan?"_

 _"You're taking yourself off the assignment?" I nodded. "Why?"_

 _"I feel that my judgement may become clouded, should I stay, which could jeopardize the assignment, and the safety of the Duchess."_

 _"Clouded? How?" He asked, surprised. I sighed and shook my head._

 _"I've always struggled with attachment, I care for people, more than I should.. I feel it best to return to the temple, and distance myself from this assignment, as well as you and Qui-Gon." I explained. "Qui-Gon has always been like a father to me. That's why the Council wouldn't let him take me as his padawan. And over these past few years, working with you on assignments, studying and training with you at the Temple, I've grown to care for you as well, much more than I should."_

 _"Kiirah, I care for you as well, you're my closest friend. That shouldn't mean that you need to remove yourself from our assignment." I laughed lightly and shook my head._

 _"I care for you as much more than a friend Obi-Wan. Which is why I must distance myself. The Jedi Code forbids such attachments and feelings. And if Qui-Gon has noticed, it will not be long before the Council and my Master do as well. They would never approve, especially given the effects those feelings have had on my judgement on a few occasions. So I will be requesting that Master Yoda no longer send me on assignments with you and Qui-Gon unless absolutely necessary."_

 _"Nothing will change your mind, will it?" Obi-Wan asked. I shook my head and Obi-Wan frowned. "Well, if we're no longer to be on assignments together, this is as good of a time as any."_

 _"What are you-" He cut me off with a short but sweet kiss and I immediately backed away._

 _"No, that can't happen again." I said, and headed into my room. "Goodnight Obi-Wan."_

My transport back to Coruscant was delayed by two weeks, due to an increase of violence in the war. When I got back to Coruscant, I immediately sought out Master Yoda.

 _"Learning more about yourself, you are. Hmm? From Master Qui-Gon, I assume?" My master asked._

 _"I'm not sure. Master Qui-Gon was rather unclear as to what he was trying to say." I said, shaking my head in frustration._

 _"Heard of the Gray, you have? In your teachings as a youngling, mentioned briefly they were." I thought back, and nodded._

 _"Yes, they're neither Sith, nor Jedi. They stand somewhere between the light and dark sides of the force."_

 _"Qualities of the Gray, you possess. Border dangerously close to the dark side, you have at times. But traits of the Jedi, you greatly possess as well."_

 _"But what does that mean, Master?" I asked, just as frustrated with his answer as I was with Qui-Gon's._

 _"In time, you will learn. Right now, continue your Jedi training, you shall. Best for you, I think it will be. Learn more of the Gray, you will, but as a Jedi Knight,_ _ **not**_ _as a padawan."_

Two years later, at the age of 18, I completed my Trials, and was granted the status of Jedi Knight.

 _"Congratulations,_ _ **Master**_ _Ontari." Obi-Wan said with a warm smile._

 _"Thank you Obi-Wan." I laughed._

 _"You've come a long way little one, I'm very proud of you." Qui-Gon said as he joined us._

 _"Thank you Master" I said, bowing. "But I would not be where I am today without your guidance, and the guidance of many others."_

 _"Speak with you, we must, Master Ontari. About your future in the Order." Master Yoda said as he walked by me._

 _"Obi-Wan, you're free to go work on your studies." Qui-Gon said. Obi wan looked confused, but bowed and left._

 _"A Jedi Knight, you have become. But a choice to make, you have." Master Yoda said._

 _"I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Master."_

 _"Talked to you about your true self, we did, a few years ago." He said._

 _"I remember we talked about the Gray, but-"_

"You have a choice to make now little one." Master Qui-Gon said. "You may stay here, as part of the Order, or you may leave, if you so choose, to find out more of who you are."

 _"Recommend leaving, we do. For the best, we think it will be." I frowned and shook my head._

 _"With all due respect Masters, I disagree. My place is with the Order, and no where else. Especially now. I sense dark times ahead, I do not think it would be wise for me to leave. Nor do I really want to."_

 _"As you wish, Kiirah." Qui-Gon said respectfully._

 _"Change your mind, should you, be there, the option will be. As will the option of coming back." Master Yoda told me._


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, only my own character, Kiirah Ontari.

* * *

Chapter One:

Return to Naboo

"Excuse me, Master Ontari, Master Qui-Gon." Qui-Gon and I stirred from our meditation.

"Yes young one?" I asked.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the council would like to see you two. Master Yoda says it's urgent." The youngling said. Qui-Gon and I both got up and headed for the Council room.

"You wished to see us Masters?" Qui-Gon said as we entered.

"Yes, there is trouble, with the Trade Federation." Master Windu said.

"Well isn't there always?" I asked. "That usually isn't a Jedi matter."

"Set up a blockade around your homeworld of Naboo, they have." Master Yoda informed me. I frowned and shifted my weight. "Asked the Jedi to act as ambassadors for the Senate, the Chancellor has. Sending you two to negotiate with them, we are."

"We have a transport ready to leave as soon as you two are ready." Master Windu told us. "We suggest you prepare to leave immediately" Qui-Gon and I bowed and left.

"It's been quite some time since we have been on an assignment together." Qui-Gon said as we walked the halls of the Temple. I nodded and held my hands behind my back as we walked.

"It has. I'll admit, I have missed it. We make a good team." I said. Qui-Gon laughed lightly.

"That we do, Little One." He said. "Are you going to be alright working with Obi-Wan?" I sighed and nodded.

"Yes. I have come to be able to control my feelings, much better than I could at sixteen." I told him.

"I'm glad to hear that." Qui-Gon said. "You have grown to be an exceptional young woman, Kiirah, and an extremely talented Jedi. I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you, that means alot coming from you."

"I should go get Obi-Wan, we'll meet you at the transport." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder before walking away.

* * *

"Why would the Trade Federation set up a trade blockade around Naboo? It doesn't make sense." I said, as I concentrated on the game of holochess in front of me, contemplating my next move.

"The Trade Federation has strong ties to the Separatist alliance. They're probably trying to get Naboo to join the Separatists, and the Queen denied, so this is their way of trying to convince them." Obi-Wan said as he watched me make my move. "Hopefully we can find a peaceful solution and get them to end the blockade." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't see that happening, unfortunately." I said as I got up from my seat and walked over to the window of the ship.

"I must agree with you, Kiirah." Qui-Gon said. "However, we must start with an attempt at peaceful negotiations"

"I know Master. I'm not letting my guard down though. I do not trust them in the slightest." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Neither do I, Little One. Neither do I." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm going to retire for a bit, get some rest before we dock. I recommend you both do the same." With that said, he left the room.

"I must say I disagree with you Master Ontari." Obi-Wan said from his spot at the table. I turned and faced him, arms still crossed.

"Disagree on what?" I asked.

"I do believe we'll be able to end the blockade peacefully." He said. I sighed and shook my head, turning my back to him.

"That may be. But you have a habit of seeing peaceful solutions where there are none. At least from what I've heard." I said.

"Is it not our job as Jedi to keep the peace?" He asked.

"It is." I nodded. "But do not let your guard down, you may hope for peace, but you may not find it. The trade federation is deeply aligned with the Separatist alliance, more so than they let on, I believe. The Separatists are not known for their peaceful ways. We are potentially walking into a war."

"I prefer to look on the more positive side of things." Obi-Wan said with a shrug.

"Just as I prefer to be cautious." I retorted.

"Overly cautious, if you ask me." I glared at his reflection in the window.

"I don't see any problem with being overly cautious." I said, turning to face him again.

"There is when you leave in the middle of a civil war." He said. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath.

"That was four years ago." I said, my tone more on edge than I would have liked.

"Yes, and our defenses for the Duchess were severely weakened due to your leaving."

"They would have been weakened as well if I had stay. Possibly more so." I said, my voice raising.

"I disagree. You were friends good friends with the Duchess. And fiercely loyal to her. Long before the assignment. I refuse to believe that anything would have compromised that loyalty." He stated.

"You know full well why I had to leave."

"You could have ignored it. You could have stayed"

"The hell I could!" I yelled. "You knew how I felt, and you acted on it! Not me! There was no way I could stay before that and absolutely no way I could stay after that!"

"Maybe if you were able to control your feelings-"

"Me? I was the one who needed to control their feelings?" I laughed. "It was you who acted on them. You finalized my decision. I left so that I could get better control. I would have rejoined the mission later if you hadn't acted on your feelings." At this point I was shaking.

"It was mistake, one that I will admit to. But it was no more of a mistake than you leaving."

"Enough!" I yelled, throwing my hands down, rattling the tables and chairs with the Force.

"Kiirah." Qui-Gon said sternly. I turned toward my mentor, still shaking. "Go to your quarters. Meditate." I nodded. "I will come get you when we're about to dock." With that said I left the room swiftly.

"As for you, my padawan. She may be younger than you, but she is a Jedi Knight, and your superior. You must show her the same respect that you show me." I heard Qui-Gon say.

"I'm sorry Master." Obi-Wan said calmly. "She can just be rather… infuriating."

"I'm sure she feels the same about you. Especially seeing how you were the one who started that… conversation."

"I feel it was both of us who started it." I could almost feel Qui-Gon rolling his eyes.

"Whatever you believe, my padawan." Qui-Gon said. "Oh, and it would be in your best interest not to anger Master Ontari in the future. What you just saw is just a hint of what she can do. She is not like the other Jedi."

"I will do my best to remember that."

Figuring their conversation was over, I cleared my mind to meditate. As soon as I did that however my chamber doors opened.

"I haven't seen you lose your temper like that in quite some time, Little One." Qui-Gon said calmly. I opened my eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry Master, I didn't mean to."

"I know." He said. "He has always had a way of pushing your buttons, since you two were younglings."

"He was out of line bringing that up."

"He was." Qui-Gon agreed. "You should not lash out like that though."

"I know, Master. It won't happen again."

"I'll leave you to your meditation now. I'll come get you when we're docking." He said. I nodded and with that he left.

* * *

A light knock at my door stirred me from my meditation.

"Enter" I said

"We will be docking in a moment Kiirah." Qui-Gon told me.

I nodded and followed him out to the main part of the ship. I looked out the window and watched as our ship entered the docking bay. I put the hood of my cloak up as the doors opened.

"I'm TC-14 at your service." A protocol droid greeted us. "This way, please." The three of us followed the protocol droid down the corridor a large conference room. "We are greatly honored by your visit Ambassadors. Make yourselves comfortable. My master will be with you shortly." The droid then bowed and left the room. I lowered my hood, as did Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. The two of them looked out the window at my homeworld, while I sat down at the table, frowning. Something didn't feel right.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Obi-Wan said.

"I don't sense anything." Qui-Gon said casually.

"It's not about the mission, Master, it's something… elsewhere… elusive"

"I sense it too." I agreed. "But do not center on your anxieties."

"Keep your concentration here and now where it belongs." Qui-Gon told his padawan.

"But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future…"

"But not at the expense of the moment. Be mindful of the living Force, my young padawan."

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan said as they walked over to the window. "How do you think the trade viceroy will deal with the chancellor's demands?" He asked.

"These Federation types are cowards. The negotiations will be short." Qui-Gon said simply.

"I hope you're right." I mumbled.

After a while of waiting, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan joined me at the table. I was becoming impatient, my finger tapping anxiously on the table.

"Is it in their nature to make us wait thing long?" Obi-Wan asked. Clearly becoming as impatient as I was. The protocol droid returned with a tray of drinks, which Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan took, but I declined.

"No… I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as a trade dispute." Qui-Gon said, puzzled.

Suddenly there was loud sound of an explosion. The three of us all jumped up, light sabers drawn, causing the protocol droid to jump and spill the drinks.

"...Sorry" the droid muttered. I turned off my lightsabers, as did Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Immediately after we heard a faint hissing noise.

"Dioxis." Qui-Gon informed us. I took a deep breath and used the Force to aid myself in not breathing in the poison. After a few minutes the doors opened slowly, letting out the poisonous gas. We heard battle droids cocking their weapons, and watched as the protocol droid left the room.

"Oh, excuse me." TC-14 said.

"Check it out Corporal. We'll cover you." A droid said.

"Roger, roger." Before the droid could get far we turned our sabers back on.

"Uh oh. Blast them!" A droid yelled.

We fought our way through the droids, making our way to the bridge. The door was shut but Qui-Gon thrust his saber into the door, melting the metal, trying to create an entrance through the locked door. I heard three more blast doors close behind the door Qui-Gon was cutting through. He pushed his saber further through the doors with great effort, and I copied his actions opposite him to get through faster, while Obi-Wan cut down a droid in our defense. I heard two destroyer droids roll up, and I left my saver in the door melting the metal, and grabbed my other one quickly from my belt.

"Master, destroyers!" Qui-Gon turned to help Obi-Wan and I fight the destroyers, but the droid put a shield up around themselves. "They have shield generators."

"It's a standoff! Let's go!" Qui-Gon said. With that said we made a break for it. Leaving the hallway to the bridge. The destroyers followed us but we made it through a door that was closing.

Quietly, we made our way to the air ducts at the hangar bay. I watched in horror at the scene in front of me.

"Battle droids." Qui-Gon said quietly.

"There's thousands of them." I muttered.

"This is an odd play for the Trade Federation." Qui-Gon said. "We've got to warn the Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. Let's split up. Stow aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet."

"You were right about one thing, Master" Obi-Wan said. "The negotiations were short."


End file.
